For the second week in a row, daycare is closed due to Covid. Last week, there was an option to send my child for the first three days, though Covid was known and nearby, but I declined; by Thursday, it had spread. I’m glad I made the decision to keep my little one home and very grateful that I have support that allowed me to piecemeal my work. I still feel guilty for not being there for my regular hours, though, and the guilt is compounded again this week.
My baby woke up three times overnight. I don’t know why, because I never know why; because no one can ever fully know why. He went down each time, but not without some effort, and I got up for good at about 4:30. I am tired.
It’s raining, and it sounds absolutely lovely.
I stood in the shower this morning, letting the hottest water I could run over me, and I just thought – be gentle with yourself today. Be gentle. I don’t think I have much to contribute this morning, but maybe that’s the invitation I can extend to the people reading this, those who are friends and those who are strangers: be gentle with yourself today.
We think of compassion as something we should give others, and it is that, but it is also something we can hold for ourselves. Maybe you were up overnight with a little one. Maybe you are stressed about work. Maybe you are doing the best you can, too.
Maybe it’s Monday, and that is enough of a reason.