I think about time a lot, and if you know me at all – even just through this forum – you probably recognize that it’s something I feel deeply. The passing of time, the awareness of time, the consciousness of time: it’s written into who I am.
Right now, I am feeling short on that very thing, but I understand there’s a lesson in that: prioritize some things and let others go. Know what matters most to me and hold those things close, while allowing that which takes up too much of my time to fall by the wayside, even if just temporarily.
It is, of course, harder than it looks.
This morning, I was awake early and so I texted a bit with one of my best friends, who knows so much about these types of things. She helped me think through it in a different way, encouraging me to focus and keep moving forward. After we chatted, I got up and took a shower, trying not to wake my son.
The shower was wonderful; it’s cold in my house.
And it reminded me of something else. Time has to pass in order to bring us new seasons. Right now, it is undeniably fall all of a sudden; it’s chillier and the days are so short. But I love the tucking-in that happens during this period. I love the invitation to slow down.
I love the trimmings of this time of year, the soup the flannels the boots the crispness, but it’s not because autumn is my favorite season; it’s because each season is, for a long period, my favorite. In winter, I love my breath in the air and the holidays and the baking; in spring, it’s the intoxication of warmer weather, the headiness of color; in summer, it’s the heat, the laziness, the fruit, the eternal days.
And time has to pass to get to each one. I have to get older; my child does too. Things have to change.
It isn’t easy for me to think that way. It goes against the dreamy part of me that is sometimes a little too stuck in nostalgia, even for moments that have yet to pass me by. But it’s good to remember. Fall is here. Let me make the most of it. Let me love my son and my significant other, let me be good to my friends, let me focus on the work that calls out to be done, let me move my body in ways that are right for me right now, let me make good meals, let me write and read. There is much to do. Lucky me.
Now I just need to remember that, even when I feel overwhelmed. Wish me luck, friends, and I’ll do the same for you.